Hamburger? Why not call it a beef-burger?

Sitting in the carpool mini-van, on the way home from tap dance class, stopping for a quick McDonald’s meal, I would always get picked on a bit for ordering a “hamburger without the burger.”  Healthy, I know, but in 1991 the options were scarce.  One of my friends always wanted me to try a burger or chicken nuggets. At times I was even bet $200 to eat some meat, but, of course, I refused the monetary temptation and did not eat it.

Celebration time!  My childhood friend came back from 4 years of service in the Marines, and we celebrated by going out for burgers at Globe Bar & Grille.   I got a bit cocky and thought I could pretend I was eating a Boca Burger instead of a beef burger.

Rookie move and big mistake.

I got sick!  A type of sick I have not felt before.  Almost like the moment before your stomach lets you know you have had too much too drink and that alcohol poisoning is imminent, but really… I just felt very heavy and horribly uncomfortable.  Do not get me wrong, my pineapple burger tasted great, but it was something I definitely could not digest properly.  I wonder if anyone can really eat hamburgers without feeling sick?

I am a recovering vegetarian, but please do not lead me to a hamburger just yet. I am going to stick to burger revised for a bit and cool off while being a recovering, recovering vegetarian.

OK, so my initial predictions weren’t exactly 100% on, but then again, they could have been quite a bit worse. Here’s a round-up of some notables in last week’s Top Chef, as well as a few predictions for the upcoming episode…

Out Like Flynn

So Patrick wasn’t a douche after all, though I maintain he did have his eyebrows waxed. The guy actually seemed perfectly likable, but my god, I hope he has a few more years to go at the CIA. His salmon based dish was about as far away from Chinatown one could expect a Top Chef contestant to get. And going with black rice noodles when you’ve never cooked with them before? Tut tut…

The New Douche

Enter Jeff, the new douche on the block. Now granted, I don’t think Jeff necessarily is a bad chef or anything. But, in the first episode at least, he comes off way too cocky, and shows a complete lack of time management. In the future, he might very well show us something interesting if he stops fussing over his hair and executes his ideas better. As it stands, he is the forerunner to be this season’s Marcel.

The Stefaning!

Oh, we all knew the power of The Stefaning would shine through, but who could have predicted it would shine this brightly? Winning both the Quickfire and the Elimination challenge was impressive in itself, but it was Stefan’s dishes that showed us he could be the real deal. His lamb chops and beef skewers were simple and, apparently, well executed, which is what you need to win this contest. Get too fancy and you can easily mess up; balancing creativity and simpleness is the name of the game.

Moving on…

It looks like the Quickfire will be centered around hot-dogs this time around, something which will give the contestants a good opportunity to show some creativity around a staple dish. I have a feeling some will get too fancy with this one, and that would be a mistake. It’s fine kicking it all up a notch and all, but a hot-dog is a hot-dog… It is, literally, a pedestrian’s dish, and should be treated as such.

Less is known about the Elimination round, though apparently it will involve serving a larger group of people. Can you hear the caterers shout for joy?

Ask an Italian if spanakopita is Italian or Greek, and you might be treated to a long anecdote about the Roman empire and why the dish is, in fact, Italian. The rest of us will probably just agree that spanakopita, like its name, is Greek. Regardless, we recently made some slight modifications to an ancient family recipe, which, Greek or Italian, was pretty awesome.

Cue less than stellar picture and recipe below.

I swear to god the filo was golden. Anyway! Give it a shot, it is good:

• 1 cup finely chopped onion
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup butter
• 5 packages (10 ounces each) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
• 1/2 cup feta
• 1/2 cup ricotta cheese
• 1/2 cup bread crumbs
• 1 teaspoon marjoram, minced
• 1 teaspoon dill, minced
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon pepper
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1 package filo, thawed

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Saute onion and garlic in butter just until tender. Combine all ingredients, except 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese and filo. Turn mixture into greased 2-quart baking dish. Sprinkle top with reserved cheese. Top with 6 sheets filo. Spread olive oil or butter between each sheet. Bake 60 minutes.

Makes 12 servings.

One of life’s simpler pleasures during these cold months is sampling the many seasonal brews, and few serve up a better one than our very own Northern Lights. With that said, this might also the season to enjoy the brewery’s standby, the Crystal Bitter, which will warm up even the coldest soul during these dark evenings.

Reminiscent of a British bitter in many ways (the label hints that German and American brewing techniques were also involved in production), the Crystal Bitter has a lovely deep, amber-ish brown color, and a fairly gentle hop aroma. Tasting reveals a crisp, sweet, malty flavor, which leaves a slightly dry aftertaste. The hops are front and center, but not in an overpowering manner a la Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA. In other words, there’s a nice complex flavor to be found here, one that I imagine would go well with some fish and chips.

Crystal Bitter might be the easiest Northern Lights beer to track down, be it at bars or in the store. Pick up a bottle, or get a growler from the brewery — it will guaranteed give you an entertaining night.

If not “getting” macrobrews makes me a snob, then I am fine with that. But I do understand that there are times when you have to let your Better Taster qualities go; when you have to dive into colorless, odorless beers. Here’s a recent beer trifecta I recently went through, just so you don’t have to:

Worst: Icehouse

When I was just a wee lad, I often enjoyed an Icehouse. Hey, I’ll admit it, we all make mistakes. Even I! Icehouse is an ice lager — read this if you need information abut the gimmick known as iced beers — brewed by Miller. It has a hint of flavor and nose to it, and if you close your eyes really hard and concentrate intensely, you might just feel like you’re drinking a beer.

Worster: Coors Light

We’ve all been there: You find yourself at some less than awesome concert and you just want to numb yourself down to being indifference. What do you drink? No, not PBR, that’s just sad. A pitcher of Coors Light, however, is… Well, it’s not good, it’s pretty awful, but in terms of a bottom of the pack standby, it will have to do. Get a pitcher and tune out the band you don’t care about anyway.

Worstest: Busch Light

See those pictures above? That’s me, drinking Busch Light for the first time. Do I look happy? No, no I don’t. Busch Light is awful. Don’t drink Busch Light. I have never tasted cat urine, but I imagine Busch Light being close to par with it.

First, I start to eat meat. Then today, I meet an 11 year old who is friends with the Palin Family. Her Grandma grew up with my second cousin once removed. That cousin’s Aunt is my Grandma. She grew up in Metaline Falls. Metaline Falls is the town the train to Ione travels from (as seen in Benny and Joon). I ate buffalo in Ione last weekend. Does that mean I am going to turn into Sarah Palin?

Eat buffalo in Ione. Really you should. The town is surrounded by gorgeous scenery and contains about 497 residents.

One of those 497 residents whips up amazing organic home cooked food. If she had a restaurant, I am sure Chef Ramsay would have to search deep in his soul to find one bad thing to say about her cooking. My buffalo was grain feed on a reservation near Ione. I don’t just go eating buffalo everyday but from what I could tell it was perfectly cooked.  Very tasty. The cut I had was a bit more dense and chewy than the red meat I have been eating. It had a distinct savory flavor.

Maybe I will take up buffalo hunting with Sarah next year?

Despite a message in my email inbox today reading “Holidays Are Murder on Turkeys,” I am looking forward to my very first Thanksgiving turkey and all of the dishes created out of turkey leftovers.  The email came from Action for Animals, a Seattle based 501(c)(3) non-profit corporation to promote the vegan lifestyle.  I signed up for the Action for Animals emails at least 4 years ago.  If you read past all of the invites to gather to close another KFC and protest fur, you can get some great tips for vegetarian restaurants in Seattle and Portland.

For more information about the group you can visit their sites:

http://www.afa-online.org
http://www.myspace.com/actionforanimals
http://actionforanimals.buzznet.com
http://www.VeganStarterPack.com

As you may or may not know, tonight is the first episode of Top Chef: New York on Bravo. At 8pm, no less than 17 chefs will face off in the Quickfire Challenge and the grander Elimination Challenge. It’ll be entertainment central, yo.

Who will win? Who will be laughed out? Who will be the douchebag to out-douche season two’s Marcel? With only Bravo’s propaganda to go by, it’s difficult to say, but here’s an early opinion:

The Potential Winners!

Alex: Executive chef, Restaurant 15, LA

His mug suggests he might just win the Douchebag award, yet you can’t argue with the man’s taste and credentials, at least when the context of a reality television program is taken into consideration. Having a vast international background — landing in LA by the way of Madrid, the Dominican Republic, and NYC — suggests he can be versatile in the kitchen while having a spicy enough personality for the producers to want to keep him around. His love for a good duck confit and paella makes him an interesting pick for me personally.

Fabio: Owner, Cafe Firenze Italian Restaurant & Martini Bar, Moorpark, CA

Fabio, a born and bred Italian, has the authentic Mediterranean cuisine down pretty well if his bio is anything to go by. In fact, looking at his restaurant’s menu, which I assume is his seeing he is the owner, Fabio is somebody who enjoys simple and clean flavors. This tends be a favorite quality for the judges. Of course, Fabio’s also a good looking man, which isn’t going to hurt his chances

Jamie: Executive Chef, Absinthe Brasserie and Bar, San Francisco

It’s hard to say if Absinthe seems so prolific just because of the easy to remember name or if it has an actual good buzz about it. Regardless, Absinthe’s menu looks impressive without being overly complicated, and Jamie’s CIA credentials would indicate she knows what she’s doing. Judging by her tattoos and posture, I’m also going to guess she has spunk, which is very television friendly. Who doesn’t love a spark plug?

The Potential Loser!

Carla: Owner/Chef, Alchemy Caterers, DC

While about half the contestants are, shall we say, uninspiring, I can’t help but feel that Carla encompasses all the less than stellar qualities of the Top Chefs. On top of the pile is her catering background. With all respect to caterers far and wide, I have seen few interesting caterer contestants. Remember Betty from season two? Her sparkly personality overshadowed her dull creations, and pulled her through further than she should have gone. She was also the same age as Carla.

In other words, I don’t think Carla will be the first to go. But that doesn’t mean she’s not The Loser in this competition.

The Potential Douchebag!

Patrick: Culinary student, NY

First, I’m fairly certain he might have his eyebrows waxed, which, unless he is in the middle of a reassignment process, does not inspire confidence. Other than that, the tie, his posture, his… Well, just look at the bio… My prediction is that he’ll be an overly cocky student who thinks he knows better than the judges, and will be kept in for quite a while to keep the program “colorful.” Outside of that, I have little reason to believe he’ll cook up anything too interesting.

The Stefaning!

Stefan: Chef, StefansCatering.com, Santa Monica

Yeah, I got little to add here, other than this will be the man who will unleash The Stefaning all over everybody’s faces! My personal favorite in the competition.

(Sometimes a picture says more than a thousand words.)

I’m not gonna be much help on the chicken front…

When people ask me for good tofu I can point them to places as varied as Mizuna in Spokane to Kingdom of Vegetarians in Philly. I really will be no help on the chicken front for quite some time. When I dove into meat two months ago, a year after I lost my meat-virginity, I concluded that good steak is awesome, while I blissfully avoided other types of meats.

Then, for whatever reason, I woke up one morning to find myself wanting to cut to the search for perfect chicken.

Kusina Filipina, an East Francis establishment, might just have put an end to the search, at least as far as flavor goes. When my chicken arrived, I discovered I had to eat around the bones, and, sadly, there was no one to help me figure out how to exactly do that. I guess my dining companion was more fixated on his poker winnings than on my new found gold mine of chicken. Can I really blame him though? He was with me a year ago when I lost my meat-virginity.

The texture was… strange, but good. It perfectly absorbed the flavors of the marinade, not unlike tofu, yet completely different at the same time. I liked the flavor. Maybe not as much as I like steak, but at least there are other alternatives out there.

It isn’t simple, eating chicken. Those bones get in the way of a delicious flavor, and I was not prepared to fully take on this chicken-encounter quite yet. I am, however, ready to move past the steak.

On our way to sample the Northern Lights seasonal, we noticed a new addition to the Riverwalk Plaza. And quite frankly, what could be better than adding Halletts Chocolates to the current offering of brew-pub grub and Thai food?

We sampled their orange cream truffle, as well as a peanut butter one. The verdict? Not quite up there with either OMO or the French Quarter, but then again, with the larger scale production from Halletts, that is to be expected. Their chocolates are still tasty, and certainly more affordable than the two aforementioned boutiques.

Halletts is a great way to end a night filled with hot wings and craft brew from Northern Lights. Check them out at 1003 E Trent Ave, WA 99202.